Sweet Gifts

So I'm beginning to learn just how beautiful it is when in trial and pain God does not leave us in our hurt. Not only does He promise to be with us in trial but I have found so much comfort in the body of  believers He has placed us in. 

Isaiah 43:2

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through the fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. 

Isaiah 46:3-4

Listen to me, O house of Jacob, all the remnant of the house of Isreal, who have been borne by me from before your birth, carried from the womb, 

even to your old age I am He, and to gray hairs I will carry you. 

I have made, and I will bear; I will carry and will save. 

We have received so much love from all around us it is overwhelming. We know and we are encourged that not only will our God carry us through this trial, but we know that the people around us in our life that love us are praying for us and helping us to bear this burden. 

I wanted to document some of the acts and gifts of love we have received in the past 4 months since Gloria went to be with Jesus. And in some way express to you just how much acts of thoughtfullness and generosity have helps to heal our hurting hearts. 

• We received many flowers and plants that were so beautiful and meant so much, especially if you know how much I love flowers. I really wanted to take pictures of all of them so I could remember each and every boquet or plant, but I didn't get a chance to before they died. This was a fern that we received and I LOVE IT. It is alive and kickin and has found an awesome home above our cabinet. The sad part is I don't know who it is from. (If you are reading this and it is you, please let me know, I'd love to look at it every day and remember that you gave it to us) But some how the who got missed in that crazy week of 4/29/2012. 

I love this blanket. It is a prayer shawl that a friend's parents made or had someone make. I can't remember that detail. I have spent a lot of time in the chilly mornings or evenings reading with this over my legs and it is super comfy. I love it.

These are pictures that a friend of ours, Eric Harmon,  from our church took a long time ago. He found them and gave them to us when he was cleaning out his old photography. The picture on top is of a blooming dogwood tree, which has become Gloria's flower. And the bottom picture is of a stream which is significant because at Gloria's funeral, Eric came up to Ben and I and quoted Psalm 1 to us which says:

"Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers.
But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night.
He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yeilds its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers."
Psalm 1:1-3

Such a sweet and thoughtful gift. I will forever remember that moment. The moment of Ben and I hugging Eric at Gloria's funeral as he encouraged us by telling us what was true straight from the word of God.

We will yeild fruit in our season, when the storm has passed and our hearts are healed. We know from this verse that if we diligently "meditate day and night" on what is true in God's word we will be like a tree that grows strong and whos roots go deep. Thanks Eric for such a gift.

I want to hang these in the kiddos room when I get a chance.

We received this in a card. I keep it in my bible as a book mark. It makes me smile every time I flip to it. Such a fitting verse that was put on this card for the name Gloria. It has more meaning to me than ever. Thanks Rutledges

We received this gift card to a local nursery so that we could pick out a tree or plant to remember our sweet girl. This was such a thoughtful gift and I really can't wait to go pick one out to plant in our yard. I'm waiting until we build our deck onto our house so that we know exactly where in our yard we can see a tree or plant that we buy. Thanks Daniel and Rachel for such a thoughtful gift.

This is our seeds of life tree that we are growing. It came as a fertilized acorn and we have been watching it every day as it grows into hopefully someday a full size tree. Thank you to whomever sent this very very thoughtful gift. Again this came to our house and in the hussle and bussle of the day of the funeral we aren't sure who it is from. But I would love to know so that we can think of you and your thoughtfulness when we look at this tree growing in our window. 

Oh I can't even tell you how much I love this rock! I was wanting something to put out in our yard with her name on it and my sweet friends Nicky and John showed up at our house with this beautiful gift. They had also lost their precious daughter 4 years ago and received a rock like this one. Such a wonderful reminder every day when I look at our yard that she is still very much a part of our family. 

This necklace is from my sweet cousin Mallory. Who is much more like a sister to me than a cousin. I absolutely love having things with Gloria's name on them and it has her birthstone on it! I love it. 

Oh this sight makes me so incredibly happy!!! These are 4 of the dogwood trees that we were given and are now thriving out in frount of our house. Dogwood flowers are Gloria's flower and I'm really not sure if I can wait until next spring to see them bloom. I love love love the idea of spring arriving next year to see our yard full of beautiful pink flowers. Thank you to our friends and family who graciously gave us these trees so that we can remember her every spring when the new life of spring pokes through:) 

I haven't taken this necklace off since Gloria's funeral. My friend Rachel gave this to me at her funeral. It has Gloria's birth stone on it and this necklace has been around my neck since I got it. I love having the constant reminder every time I feel it or look in the mirror. I'm a total fidgeter, and so I often play with it and think of our little girl.

There have been so many other thoughtful things given and done for us, and we are amazed that STILL people think of us, remembering that we are still walking this road, and blessing us on the journey. Because it is still very much still a struggle to find joy. So we are thankful we are not alone in this. So thank you again, it doesn't seem like enough to say thank you, but we are truly grateful for this out pouring of love on our family in our time of greif. 

I will rise

An amazing song, that has spoken so much to my heart

Theres a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "it is well"

Jesus has overcome
and the grave is overwhelmed
the victory is won
He has risen from the dead
and I will rise
when he calls my name
no more sorrow no more pain,
I will raise
on eagles wings
before my God
fall on my knees
and Rise

Theres a day thats drawing near
when this darkness breaks to light
and the shadows dissapear
and my faith shall be my eyes

Jesus has overcome
and the grave is overwhelmed
the victory is won
he has risen from the dead
and i will rise
when he calls my name
no more sorrow no more pain
I will rise
on eagles wings before my God fall on my knees and rise!!!!!
I will rise!!!!!!

And I hear the voice of many angels sing
worthy is the lamb
and I hear the cry of every longing heart
worthy is the lamb

Chris Tomlin

That precious name, Gloria Ruth

I got an e-mail from our aunt Denise (Hi Nisee) the other day regarding how Glory got her name and I wanted to write a post about it.  It is just amazing to me how we can see God's finger prints all over our life. Sometimes they are harder to see than others, but this one was so clear it was truly amazing.

Ben and I met in 2002, this very timeof year in August when we started our freshman year of college (wow, 10 years ago, I feel old). We were very interested in each other right away and soon realized that we wanted to eventually get married. We decided (with some serious encouragement from both our parents) to wait until we graduated from college to get married, so that's what we did. We were married in 2006 and as any newly married couple does, we talked about our future kiddos. We talked about the when, the how many, and possible names. When ever we talked about names we could never agree on any names. Which was fine because we weren't even close to having kids yet.

But there was one name that was said that both of us instantly loved, Gloria. I remember sitting in church in December of 2006 and singing "Angles We Have Heard On High" and singing the chorus of Gloria in excelsis Deo (Glory Be to God in the Highest) over and over again and knowing that this was the name of our daughter. I know now that this was God impressing on me what HE wanted her to be named, even then 6 years ago. Its hard to explain that feeling, but I remember it like it was yesterday knowing with out a shadow of any doubt that this would be the name of our daughter. Little did I know what amazing plan he had for this daughter, but I believe this is where her story began.

We also had a friend from college named Gloria whom we adore and are still friends with today. She is such a sweet, kind, and selfless person that knowing our girl would share the name Gloria with her just made us love it even more. It still makes me sad when I think about how excited I was to hand Gloria over to my friend Gloria after she was born and tell her what we had named her. We had kept her name a secret from her for a long time:)

So Gloria it was. We had no other name that we liked, nor could we agree on.

Our first baby was born in March of 2009, our first little boy, Noah Scott Saunders. We had a hard time deciding on his name, but as soon as we looked at him, I knew this was our Noah. Noah means "peaceful" and we loved this meaning, and his middle name is the name of his Pops, Ben's dad.

When Noah was 11 months old, we found out we were pregnant again. A little bit of a crazy pregnancy between graduating from seminary, and moving back to California from Kentucky with a one year old, and living with Ben's parents for 4 months.

For some reason, God changed our minds. Gloria was no longer the #1 name for a little girl in our hearts. He moved our affections to the name Eden. Eden means delight or paradise. Ben was in a seminary class with a professor that he really loved and admired and would always tell stories of his kids one of which was Eden. I always loved this name and when Ben suggested it we immediately agreed. Our little girl was born in September of 2010 and just as with her brother, when we looked at her the first time, she just looked like a Eden. Her middle name is Danielle which is also my middle name. Ben choose her middle name, because he has always loved that my dad's nickname for me was Dani.

When Eden was 11 months old and Noah was 2 1/2 we found out we were pregnant with our 3rd. This time if it was a girl, she would be Gloria. (If she was a boy she would have been Judah). We loved that her name means worshipful praise, honor, and thanksgiving. And more than anything we wanted her life to bring Glory to our father in heaven. We decided that her middle name would be Ruth after her aunt Ruth, Ben's sister. She is an amazing woman of God, and an amazing aunt to her niece and nephews. She loves them like they were her own, and they absolutely adore her. I loved that Gloria would be named after such an amazing woman and they could share a special bond sharing the same name.

When she was born, I didn't really get to look into her face like I had my other two babies. She was on my chest for a few seconds and then was whisked away to the NICU. But as they were wheeling her out of the room and I was watching her intently to trying to capture every detail of her I could before she left the room, some one asked "What is her name?" and I replied "Gloria" as she rounded the corner and out the door. And as I said it, it gave me chills. Almost like I knew this was her name from years before and it was all coming to fruition before my eyes. This little baby was going to bring Glory to God and everything about her especially her name will forever be a reminder to me that she did exactly that.

Not only did we love the name Gloria, but I was in love with the nickname we would give her, Glory. I dreamed about calling her "my Glory girl". God's plan amazes me, because she is just that "my Glory girl". My little girl that got to experience God's Glory before I did.

I love to hear this name. Gloria Ruth Saunders. It makes my heart so happy to hear her name. I think sometimes people don't want to mention her name around me in case it is too painful for us to hear it. It couldn't be more opposite. Every time I hear it, It just brings a smile to my face because this is the name that we not only gave her, but I truly feel like the Lord named her. Hearing her name just reminds me that she is with us in our hearts and also in other peoples hearts and we remember her and the way that God used her to bring himself Glory. His plan is so much bigger than I could ever comprehend, and when I hear Gloria's name I am reminded all over again that He not only planned her home going, but he knew about it from the beginning of time. And He started preparing our hearts from the time we were married to meet this special little girl.

Thank You Lord for Gloria Ruth Saunders. Thank you for guiding us in her name and ultimately Glorifying your name through her life and in the life of her mommy and daddy. We love you Glory girl and can't wait for you to show us the God you see with your eyes.


     

Two

Today marks the two month point since we were with our precious girl here on earth.

It's hard not be sad today. Not to think of all the things she would be doing, what she might look like and how she would have changed since her birthday. It's hard not to think of how different our life would have been today with a 3 year old a 21 month old and a new born.

But rather today I'm confronted with the fact that life had to go back to "normal" with out her. Life returned to the same routine of Ben and I getting up for work in the morning at 5:30 and the kiddos getting up to start the day at 7 and needing my every attention. No night time feedings, nighttime screaming, or baby coos in the morning.

And I'm tempted to live here.

In the sadness of what we should be experiencing right about now and what we are missing by not having Glory with us, and if it weren't for God's indescribable love for us and Christ's mighty work on the cross, I would have no other choice but to live here in the sadness and longing for what could have been.

But I'm encouraged today.

I'm encouraged because my mind can tell my heart not to despair.

It's not a matter of what we should be doing right now, because that was never the plan. The plan was for our Holiness. The plan was that God was going to be glorified through our lives and was going to transform me with His loving kindness through what appeared to be the worst event of our lives. The plan was that He was going to be magnified in my life by giving me no other place to run to in my time of need. To show me that His comfort is the only comfort that puts my soul at rest, because in Him is my salvation.

I wish I could say that I live in this hope everyday. And that I praise God every day for the trial of loosing Glory. But that is simply not true.

Why does it feel so good to dwell in sadness and self pity? It's like a hologram of water in the desert. To sit and wallow in the "poor me" feelings and the "I hurt so bad" feelings. But they are so empty. They promise to comfort but only leave me in a downward spiral of wallowing in my saddness. And I fail to remember that the times that I was tempted to dwell there, but turned my gaze upon Christ, and His loving care for me, this whole situation just looks so beautiful. It's beautiful because it is His perfect will played out in our lives. It is a chance for me to see first hand all those things I know to be true in His word, alive and at work in my life. He is more real to me in hurt than at any other time in my Christian life.

I can with out hesitation say that:

God is good when there is nothing good in me,

He is Love, on display for all to see,

He is light when the darkness closes in,

He is hope that has covered all my sin,

He is peace when my fear is crippling,

He is true even in my wandering,

He is Joy and the reason that I sing,

and He is life and in Him death has lost its sting!

Hillsong-Forever reign

It's beautiful because not only is God working in our lives and heart, but Gloria is with Him in paradise. She is basking the the blinding Glory of our Lord and savior and when I think about that it's just simply hard to be sad about. God loves our Glory more than Ben or I ever could and she has way surpassed her mommy and daddy in her knowledge of who He is because she is experiencing it first hand.

Focusing on our great Hope in Christ doesn't stop the tears. And I believe there is great healing in remembering and just being sad and grieving over Glory not being with us. But it's the self pitying that is so tempting. God is teaching me the great sacred dance between hope and grief, and for that I'm greatful because in my hurt I've seen how deep and vast His love is for me. He loves me too much to give me an easy life void of any pain that would cause me to cling to Him with every fiber of my being. So I'm learning why in James 1:2-4 it says

"count it all joy my brothers when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness (or perseverance), and let steadfastness have it's full effect that you may be perfect and complete lacking in nothing"

This verse is more true to me than it has ever been. I desire more than ever now to keep running in my persute of Christ here on earth,because I have tasted and seen His goodness and compassion and it is amazing. It is all true and I praise Him for the trials that show me He is so real.

It's the moments that catch me by surprise that overwhelm me with heavy tears. The moments when I physically ache to hold her, to feel her snuggled up to me, to care for her and know her and love her like I love her brother and sister that the hurt seems to be too much. Its overwhelming. And this is when I know that the Lord is physically caring for me because He sends a little token to me to remind me that He is in control and loves me. And that is usually through a phone call, an email, or text message, or someone dropping by that I know in the times where I hurt so bad, He reminds me that my pain does not go unknown from Him or overlooked. (as I typed this I had to pause because 3 sweet lady's from my church just stopped by to bring me cookies and pray with me)

On that same note I want to Thank our dear friends and family from the bottom of our hearts for the love you have shown to us through the loss of our daughter. I wish I could communicate to each and every one of you who has shown compassion on us how much we are cared for by your thoughtfulness. Thank you for the cards, the flowers, the trees, the monetary gifts, the food, the emails, the texts and Facebook messages. There have been hundreds and we have read and cried over each and every act or word of love Even if we haven't been able to respond directly to you yet.

Thank you for your prayers for us. I can't explain in words how it has felt to be uplifted and held in prayer and to actually physically feel it in my soul. Especially in the first week and in the hospital room, I could physically feel the Lords prescience and I know it is because there were so many prayers on our behalf. Thank you Lord for filling us with your mercys that are new each morning and for upholding us with your righteous right hand. I have never felt it so much nor needed it so much.

The thank yous could go on and on (and they probably will as more things come to mind) but I so appreciate everyone's patients with us as we sift through the past two months. We have so much to be thankful for, and eachone of you has played a role in our healing already, so thank you for walking beside us, lifting us in prayer! "Thank you" is just not adequate..."Your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer" Ps. 95:19

"Healing doesn't come from the explained"

There is a song that I have listened to a lot over the past month called "the hurt and the healer" by Mercy Me. It is a great song and I love the opening lyrics,

"Why?, a question that is never far away, but healing doesn't come from the explained. Jesus please don't let this go in vein, your all I have, all that remains, so here I am, what's left of me?, when glory meets my suffering"

Its really struck home to Ben and I, that God chose for some reason not to give us a reason as to why. We don't know why our baby girl died. We don't know why He chose her. We don't know why He chose us as her parents to go through this. Even if we had an answer to the physiological question of how or why she died, this wouldn't bring us any healing. Our healing comes only from knowing that our great God did in fact choose this, He knew this was going to happen even from the beginning of time. He not only knew this was going to happen, but He allowed it, and we rest in the knowledge that He is a good God, and He loves us, and this is ultimately for our good and going to bring Him the most Glory. More Glory than if He had allowed our Glory to live a full life. God's design for Gloria was to exist for His glory, and 27 hours was what and how He chose to do that. I love the song Glory Baby by Watermark as well, and the line

"We will rest in knowing, that heaven is your home, and that's all you'll ever know".

Oh how wonderful it is for her to only know heaven. She will never have to know the pain and suffering on this earth. She will never have to know this pain that her mama feels right now in missing her baby. I wanted to post on here the information that we do have. That is from our human eyes, what happened 4 weeks ago. I know that I haven't got a chance to talk to many of you, our friends and family and had the opportunity to give you the whole story. And I also know some people don't want to ask for the details. But just to clarify, it isn't painful for me or Ben to talk about. Please don't feel that you can't ask questions or bring Gloria up in conversation. She is our baby girl, and we like to talk about her, even if it is about her passing.

 I was 39 weeks along, and trying to wait patiently for our sweet girl's arrival. She was due on Monday April 30th. On Friday night, the 27th, I had just finished high school girl's bible study at our house. We had prayed that I would go into labor soon. As soon as my girls left that evening, contractions started. I was pretty sure this was it. Some friends, Jarrent and Kristine Farewell came over to talk a bit and we had to cut our conversation short around 9:00 because I was pretty sure I was in active labor. We loaded up the car and headed down to the hospital, which was a 45 min drive and get checked in around 11:30pm. I had thought that my water broke so they checked me straight into a room, bypassing triage, but turns out it hadn't. They hooked me up to monitor Gloria's heartbeat and she was doing great. A strong 140-150 bpm which is good. I had wanted a natural delivery with out medication like I had with Noah and Eden, so they let me move around and would come in and monitor her heartbeat every 45 minutes or so. I labored for another hour or two and around 2:00am I could feel I was getting close to the end. So the nurse wanted to put me back on the monitor to check baby's heartbeat. This time it was different. Her heartbeat had dropped down to 80bpm. The nurse I could tell was concerned and was trying to determine whether to rush me into an emergency C-section or not. It became clear that I was very close to pushing so that was the quickest way to get baby out because she was in distress. The doctor on call was called in and she broke my water. Gloria Ruth was born at 2:36am after only about 10 mins of pushing. As soon as she came out, it was very clear that something wasn't right. She was very gaunt in color and limp. She didn't have the normal reflexes a newborn should when first delivered. They put her right on my chest and I touched her for a second. The medical team immediately knew something was wrong and took her over to the baby warmer. As the team worked on her, the room was quiet. Minutes had passed and she hadn't cried. Then we heard them say "call the NICU", my heart sank. They quickly whisked her off to the NICU followed by her grandmas. In the NICU they had to start chest compressions on her small little body because her heartbeat wasn't strong enough. My nurse and doctor continued to work on me as I had a lot of post delivery blood loss. So Ben stayed with me until I was stable and then ran to be with Gloria. An agonizing 30-45 minutes passed as we got updates via text from grandmas and Ben who were with her watching in the NICU. Around 3:30am we got news that they needed to transport her down to Sutter Memorial Hospital in downtown Sacramento due to the lack of medical technology at this NICU. I got to be wheeled down to the NICU to see her around 4:00am. They couldn't transport her until she was stable, and her blood pressure was very low. As soon as I got to her, I touched her head and said "Hi baby girl" and she opened her eyes for the first time. The medical team was keeping her body cool so that her body could work on sending blood to her brain. They informed us that at some point during delivery she suffered some sort of trauma and her brain went with out oxygen for an undetermined amount of time. She received her first blood transfusion to hopefully help get her blood pressure up. Around 7:00am she was stable enough to be transferred to the downtown NICU. I was sent back to a recovery room, and Ben, Ruth, Kristi, and Josh all followed the transport team down to Sutter Memorial. Around 10:00am Gloria had an EEG to check for brain function and a heart scan. She was having a really hard time stabilizing her blood pressure and had to be on many medications and machines. I was discharged from the hospital around 12:30 and rushed down to be with our girl. I got there around 1:00pm, and was given the Dr's prognosis. Gloria didn't have enough blood in her veins to support her body and she was still very deep in the woods. For the next few hours, all we could do was wait and pray. Around 7:00 Ben and I went to try and sleep for a little since we had been up all night already. Around 9:30pm my eyes popped open and I could not sleep another minute, I had to go back and be with her. Ben, my mom, and I sat with her for another couple hours, and then around 12:00am on April 29th Gloria started to decelerate. Nurses and Doctors were swarming around her. As Ben and I watched this commotion, I was so overwhelmed with peace. In a time like this, the only explanation is that the Lord was holding us close and reminding me of His goodness and love for us and for Gloria. As we watched them work on her, I remember thinking "OK God, you are good and you love us, if this is your will, I trust that." I can only explain this as "The peace that passes all understanding" because I certainly didn't understand it. It was right after this, that Dr Rosas came over to Ben and I and told Ben to sit down. He said that there wasn't any more they could do to her or for her. She wasn't responding to any of the treatments and she wasn't going to make it . Our response was completely God's grace, because it was just a calm "OK". We then asked if we could hold her, as we hadn't got to do that yet. So for the next 4-5 hours we got to hold her still hooked up to the machines and ventilator. All of our family came in and we all got to pass her around and sing to her. We all sang her "Happy Birthday" at 2:36am. She opened her eyes a few times to look at us. The Lord overwhelmed us with peace and He brought to mind the hymn "To God be the Glory" and we sang that to her over and over. Around 4:30am her blood pressure started to drop again and Ben and I decided to take her off the breathing machine and blood. Our family got to take her into a private room and all hold her without being hooked up to any machines. She lived for about another hour as we all loved on her and said goodbye. She was ushered into glory around 6:00am.

At this point in time, all the Doctors can say is that there was some sort of trauma and there wasn't enough blood. We have no answers. And that is OK. We know that even if answers never come, this is not baffling to our heavenly Father. He knows exactly what happened. Knowing wouldn't change the outcome or give us any more comfort than we have already received from the Lord and knowing He is in control.

Gloria's Funeral

We had a beautiful funeral for our sweet girl on Thursday May 3rd 2012, at Bell Road Baptist church in Auburn CA. It was a sweet time of sharing our little girl with all of our friends and family, and allowing all of us to say goodbye for now, until we can hold her again in heaven. Ben, only by God's grace, preached a sermon at her funeral. I wanted to share that sermon here for our friends and family who could not be there. As well as some pictures. "

Chelsea and I along with our families would like once again to thank you for coming today. That fact that you would take time off work and drive here, some of you hundreds of miles, to this place knowing what was in store-- what would be here when you arrived-- is crazy. It is also the greatest gesture of love we have ever been shown aside from the love extended to us by Christ himself. Thank you Thank you for being here. there are some things we share as human beings that transcend all dividing lines and unite us at the very core of who we are, creatures created in the image of God. There are things that are universally true wherever there are people present. There are things that we can all agree on regardless of our socio economic status, or our race, our cultural background, and even our religious beliefs. And they create a Dichotomy – a division into two apposing ideas. We summarize these in one of two ways. We label them good and evil or right and wrong. But lets be specific. Marriage: marriage is universal. You show up to a wedding and even if you think these people make the worst couple in the world there is still a glimmer of hope that maybe I’m wrong, perhaps they will make it. Why is this the case? because God instituted it and it is good. And isn’t it amazing that you will drive hundreds of miles and send gifts and well wished for marriages. But who has ever bought a plane ticket for a divorce? And if you have, if wasn’t because you wanted to. Divorce is not the intention of God rather it is the result of the hard, sinful hearts of men Birth is another event where celebration is happening, because it is always glorious. It doesn’t matter the circumstances of the conception when life comes into the world it is right. It was God’s idea, he designed it and we marvel at it And so it was not hyperbole when I said you all were crazy for coming here knowing what was at the end of your drive. Death like divorce is a result of sin. We experience death because sin is in the world. God did not institute death he told us it would result if we disobeyed him and since it was not God who produced death, in our spirits we know it is wrong. And so here I am in a room full of crazy people who came here today knowing they would have to stare death in the face. But that is only the tip of the iceberg for us this afternoon. To a small degree we all have accepted death so long as it is as far away from a persons birth as possible. Even though we do not like to talk, or think about death, an honest person will admit to themselves that the ratio of people who have been born this planet and those who will die on this planet is one to one We just plan on it being it being at an old age. Come on you all have that magic number in your head. For me it has always been 80. If I make it to eighty stick a fork in me, I’m good for nothing anymore. Id bee on borrowed time anyway. And then I look at my grangather who celebrated his eightieth birthday last year and I ask the Lord to lone him a little more. The problem today is that we all have to admit that what is assumed is not guaranteed The problem today is that death becomes increasingly more offensive to us the younger the age of its victim. The problem with today is that I am standing beside the casket of a daughter who fell short of my self-imposed ideal lifespan by 80 years less one day What is more, we do not have the benefit of a modern medical explanation as to why. Now I am not suggesting that if we knew exactly why from a physiological standpoint all the heartache would go away. But the human mind was designed to ask questions of the creation because in asking questions of the creation we find our answers ultimately in the creator and so when we can say “ah ha” I see the problem” we can then begin to comfort ourselves with different thoughts based on our own rational. At this point we have no real answers physiologically speaking as to why Gloria died. The best the doctors could say was she suffered some sort of trama and she didn’t have enough blood. So we watched as our 8lb 8 oz, full term, baby girl who had had a normal heartbeat during delivery was wisked away only to die 27 hours later. What do we do with that? How do we explain that one to our selves let alone our three your old son? I believe God’s word tells us what to do with the difficult reality that is before all of us today. In Philippians chapter one beginning in verse 9 we read what Paul was praying for his readers and what I have been praying for you over the past two days. Php 1:9 And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, Php 1:10 so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, Php 1:11 filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God. Paul is writing to a group of people who have been faithfully partaking in his sufferings for the gospel along with him. You are here partaking in our suffering today so I think there is comfort here to help us understand this event that to our human eyes and hearts is tragic. 1) It is my prayer for you that your love may abound more and more. Love God wants us to have more love. Can you believe that love is the thing that is on the apostle’s mind as he suffers. He wants those suffering along with him to love more. What does he mean by love? This is where we must be carful when we read scripture. our tendancy is to impose our understanding of a concept such as love rather then understand the concept as the bible presents it. Biblicaly speaking there are three relationships for love. There is God’s love for a person. That is, the relationship of God to his creation regardless of anything we have done to deserv it. This love is ever present. It dose not end, it is perfect and eternal. “for God so loved the world . . .” There is a person’s love for God. This love is a response. If you love God it is because you understand that he has loved you first. The third relationship in love is person to person, from one man to another. This too is a responsive love but not in the way you might think. We do not love one another because of anything we or the other person has done. Rather it is once again God’s love for us that has enabled us to love. So what does Paul mean when he says he is praying that your love may abound? First he is not saying that he hopes God loves you more. If we think of our three love relationships it is important to understand that the love of God for you cannot be sperated from his eternality and his imutibility. God has always been and will always be and he is unchanging. Therefore his love for you is eternal and it will never change. If you are here today and you do not know this love that the Heavenly father has for you let me tell you about it. I alluded to a verse just a moment ago that most of you finished in your head For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son that whoever believes in him will not parish but have everlasting life Earlier we talked about death and that it was a reality for us because sin was present in us and in our world. Dear friend if you have not heard a word I have said pay attention now because what I am about to say is the most important thing I will ever say or that you will ever here. If you have already believed the gospel this will be the most encouraging thing I could say to you. If you don’t know what the Gospel is pay attention. It is a matter of life and death. Rom 5:12 Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned— You and I must face the reality of death because of the reality of sin. Woven into the very nature of who we are is the stench of death because of sin. If you want to get well you must first admit that you are sick. This is why AA is so successful. People are forced to admit their condition before any of the next eleven steps can take place. You have sin I have sin and because of sin you have death. But it doesn’t end there. If it did this would not be good news at all. For God so loved the world that he Gave his one and only son. For your love to abound you must understand that God sent Jesus and in sending him he did it at just the right time. Do you think that God does anything by accident. He sent his son at just the right time in the exact same way that he withheld Gloria from us at just the right time. For some of you there is a feeling in you heart right right now that you cannot explain, a desire to know more of God and to believe in his son. For some of you just the right time is now, today. God is offering you his love. His son as already made attonment for your sin he has paid the pice for you life by giving his life for your, the righteous for the unrighteous. Will you harden your heart. Will you refuse a God who is trying to show you infinite, eternal, perfect love. If you want love to abound in your life surrender to him. Open the gates to the city and let the king enter in triumph over deaths grip on you. That whoever believes in him might have everlasting life. God wants you to believe in his Son. He wants you not just to believe he was a historical person or a great teacher which he was, but to believe also that he is the lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world. That his blood was sufficient to save and that he is a king worth of your life, your love and your loyalty. In light of why we are here today you have a choice to make. Will I allow God to love me or will I continue as his enemy. Believe on Jesus, ask that his blood be cover your sin, removing those filthy rags you are wearing in the presence of almighty God and replacing them with the robes of Christ’s righteousness and perfection. If you are a believe here today and some of you in your heart may be sitting in your chair and for the first time you have trusted in Jesus alone for your salvation—you too are a believe. If you are a believer here today let me continue to encourage you from scripture. Look at our text Php 1:9 And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, Php 1:10 so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, Php 1:11 filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God. In the midst of his suffering Paul wanted their love to abound with two things Knowledge and all discernment. Let me see if I can illustrate what Paul is getting at here Lets think of some relationships most of us are familiar with. In a marriage relationship, what causes love to flourish? Do miles of separation and lack of communication promote love within a marriage. NO We love our spouse more the more we know them. And love is resipreicated as display or knowledge of them. My wife loves roses, Calalillies and orchids, and she would prefer that I not buy her carnations. Sure she would not refuse a bouquet of carnations but would love abound around a bouquet of carnations as much as it would around one made of up of callalillies How about it parents? Who loves your children more than you. No one does. You don’t love them just because they are your kids. What endears them to you is that they are themselves and you know who that person is better than anyone else. It's the way they say Daddy. Or their love for monster trucks and dinosaurs. It's the courious George or Dr. Susse book you have read until it is memorized. If you want to love someone know them. And isn’t it amazing that the more you love the more you want to know. Do you see the cycle. Do you see love abounding. And discernment is the wise application of that knowledge. Have you ever noticed that the more you get to know someone the less offensive they become. When we know someone we understand them. We know what they mean when they say or do something. God wants you and I to know and discern his abounding love toward us. He desires that we know him in such a way that when he acts we recognize that it is he who is acting and we acknowledge that it is excellent. The God of the universe desires so badly for you to know him in the same way he knows you that you would see his love and recognize it for what it is. God wants you to be able to look at this miniature coffin and recognize that he is in control which means this is his love abounding to me and it is excellent. God is telling us here, through Paul, look at your suffering, see my abounding love, know that it is I who am moving and affirm it by saying that is excellent. And when we do approve God’s work as loving excellence we are affirming the work of the spirit in our live. We are allowing the shed blood of Jesus to sanctify us that he might present us as pure and blameless on the day of his return. As hard as it is, Chelsea and I want to declare before you love has been abounding to us this week and by his grace we have seen his love and we affirm that this is excellent. To the Glory and praise of God And it is our prayer for you that love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the Glory of God.

Return to Blogging

Prompted by the recent home going of our 3rd child Gloria Ruth, I have come back to the blogging world. My last post was about my first born, Noah's first birthday. He is now 3 and his little sister, Eden will be 2 in September. Our baby girl Gloria was born on April 28, 2012 at 2:36am and spent 27 hours with us on this earth and then was called home to glory on April 29, 2012 at 6:00am. My hope in returning to the blog world is to post what God is doing in our life through this trial and to compile some thoughts on how are lives have been forever changed by her short little life. I'm sure there will be some posts about her brother and sister as well:)